The worst poem I've ever written

I'm focusing this week on the blog on creative writing, as I have an assignment for my Open University A215 Creative Writing course to hand in at the end of this week. So, to link in with the two week language project I've set for the blog, I'm going to tell you about and publish here the worst poem I ever wrote, and how it's linked to one of the languages.

The tenuous link of course is one of the languages on the list for learning, namely Korean. Which leads me on to Korea....

In 2002, I got bored with my writing and decided to try something different. I did a search on the Internet for writing competitions, and found a poetry competition being held by the Korean Friendship Association (KFA). The KFA is an organisation designed to blindly promote North Korea and its politics to the world. I thought, this should be different, and at least a laugh, so I read the rules, which seemed to be the theme had to be on Kim Il Sung, the workers, or Communism or something like that; I don't rightly remember now, but the entries were to be written in Spanish or English or Korean. I naturally wrote in English, not speaking Spanish or Korean.

I sat down, thought a lot about what I knew at the time (very little back then!) about Kim Il Sung, did a quick search on the net to find out a bit more, then thought long and hard about what I thought about Kim Il Sung. I then wrote the complete opposite of the conclusions I had come to, producing this absolute pile of shite:

Honouring Kim Il Sung

by Damon M. Lord

How we remember you,
Comrade Kim Il Sung.
Great Leader of millions,
Father of a nation,
Inspiration to Koreans and workers all.
Hero of Bochombo.
Leader of the Arduous March.
Victor over warring imperialists and feudalistic insanities.
You have shown the light of Communism
In a world where the flames of Socialist ideas
Have all but been lost,
Save in those havens
Where your memory lingers on.
With your passing, a world mourned,
But you remain
A guiding candle of Juche thought
That may never go out.

The worst thing is, I came second! What a wheeze. I had my prize of a few North Korean flag pin badges through the post, and a mention in the November 2002 KFA newsletter (below).

Inspired by my success, I also wrote what I considered to be a neutral article on North Korea for the local student rag, Gair Rhydd; the only problem was, looking back, I was quite an idiot at the time as it carried very little negative comment about the oppressive Communist regime. I thought then that journalists should try and be neutral and sympathetic, but wised up after that, journalism often doesn't work like that.

And the KFA still send me e-mails and updates of the KFA, as despite trying to unsubscribe and even blocking the addresses they send from, they stil get through. Is North Korea to become the next spam haven?

As for my poetry, I don't do poetry much because I'm shit at it, as hopefully the above proves.